C H E C K M A T E
by T.a.i.n.e.Dreamz
Summary: Shigure has issues, serious issues not being able to cope with life is one thing but having no one to look out for you is another. When Akito wants Shigure to return to the main house how is he going to cope? Shigure is an angsty puppy! WOof!
1. The game we all play

**C H E C K M A TE**

_by T.a.i.n.e.Dreamz_

A/N: this is my first ever fruits basket fic and because I have only ever read voulume 3 of the manga, please expect, me to get some things wrong. Also for the record I am NOT a cutter or am anorexic. Although some of my closest friends are, if you are then tell someone and look for help; also any views expressing disgust on this subject are only used for the story, THEY ARE NOT MY OWN VIEWS ON THE MATTER! Just one more thing I am not sure how to rate this fic so any help to how I should rate it would be helpful and with fanfiction messing about with the ratings I do feel a little lost LOL...but fo now I will rate it R in the old ratings and M in the new ones, if you do not hink this is the right rating please do tell me andI will change it.

**Disclaimer: **I T.a.i.n.e.Dreamz do not own Fruits baskets characters, but i do own the plot. I am merely borrowing these characters for the use of fanfiction.

**!Warning!**

**This fic contains graphic scences (or what I think is graphic) of Self Harm and a mildhints of anorexia in it. I also will have shouen-ai (BoyxBoy relationships), there will be NO yaoi in this ficthough.If you cannot handle these please stop reading and return to the fanfiction homepage. If you continue on and do read the fic and do not like th scenes in it you have been warned. If you do report me for this I will say that it has been clearly said here what content is in this fic and I will report you to the staff for harrasment.**

A/N: Now that that is over with I have only on more thing to say...I LOVE QUICK EDIT! I also want to say now that any characters used in this fic are not actually real people and they are not real, if this does happen I mean you no harm it was not intended also no infraction in any other story is ontended either, if there is an infraction I did not mean for there to be one. Now we can begin.

Chapter 1, the game we all play...

You know sometimes it only felt like a game to him, to watch the blade slice through marred skin, watch the tear he could never cry appear as ruby beads, which shattered and ran down his arms in rivers of crimson, he should have never started, he knows it wont end, he was a man who admired real beauty, destructive or not.

No one had ever seen him like this, they only knew of the happy, perverted Shigure, the Shigure who did every thing wrong and nothing right. Could they never see behind that mask? Could they ever see him crying, did they ever hear his screams…..no, he was become sick of pretending to be the comic relief, the idiot to cheer them all up when they were down. Well where were they when he needed them most? It was becoming harder and harder every day to keep up his façade, even though most of the time he did it out of habit, he did it so they would they would think there was nothing wrong with him……….not even Akito noticed that he was suffering, no no-one ever thought that the 'worthless mutt' was worth they're time. He knew it was true too, he was worthless, he was a mutt, he was a sadistic bastard who's parents had abandoned him like an unwanted pet………..oh wait that's all he ever was…..unwanted.

He sometimes thinks that it would be better to cut too deep so that he could watch his last piece of art dance in tainted blood before he died; no one knew that he drew either and he could draw pretty well but he always thought that they were bad and that he could never do anything right. Dogs are supposed to be man's best friend but what if your not even friends with yourself?

Shigure always knew that he was messed up that he was crazy………but could he help it? To him not being able to feel cold metal in his hand and see the his garnet spheres pool around him was to try to die and be rescued from his suicide, he doesn't think that he would be able to handle the shame and disrespect the other Sohma's had for him already with the embarrassment of a failed suicide on his conscience. If Shigure was going to kill himself he would have to do it right now mistakes, no flaws, his plan had to be perfect.

As if he were in a trance Shigure got up bandaged his wrist and cleared up the blood in the bathroom, hiding his blades behind the toilet and after a quick check in the mirror his façade was back up again, as he walked out of the bathroom ready to face the other members of the household.

_Put on your mask_

_Keep it held high_

_The masquerade ball _

_Is held here tonight _

Shigure's POV

I walked out of the bathroom down to my study……..yes I Shigure Sohma was going to finish off the novel I was currently writing. I really would off preferred to be an artist, most of the time in my study is spent drawing, they are usually quite scary pictures but I didn't think so……no they aren't scary they were works of art.

I opened up one of the drawers in my desk it was always kept locked so I opened it with my key around my neck. Upon opening the drawer I took out some sheets of paper with detailed drawings on them; I took a look at some of them, pictures of people dying, this girl whom I continually drew as though she was being crucified, being killed by others for something she did mot do. Yes this was these were the pictures of how I truly felt. Picking up a clean sheet of paper I grabbed a pencil and began to draw again.

I don't know when I dosed off but I fell asleep when I was drawing, probably from the lack of blood I suppose. After gathering up my drawings and locking them away, I made my way down to the kitchen to get something to drink.

'Good morning Shigure!' said Tohru, as sweet as she was she does begin to grate on your nerves at that time of the morning, especially after you slept in your office and have not had any caffeine injected into your system yet.

'Morning my dear flower, how are you today?' I asked as sweetly as I could putting on a fake smile. 'I'm okay, but will you stay down for breakfast today? You haven't been eating much recently……' said Tohru as she trailed off 'I'm okay, I have a big deadline coming up soon, so why don't you leave some off your delicious food in the fridge for me….I'm sure I can use the microwave to heat it up later on.' I lied, but I was surprised that she only recently had noticed I hadn't been eating that often, trapping myself in my study or the bathroom for hours so that I wouldn't have to eat. I did have a deadline coming up but it was a month away; even when I did eat with them I would usually throw it up sometime afterwards, that's why I always had my after dinner baths, every one thinks I just like taking baths, I do but it also gives me the time to throw up.

I quickly grabbed the coffee I had just finished making and went off to my study, the only place where I could truly be myself and be the mutt I have always been and cower away like a dog does when it knows it has done something wrong but doesn't want to get hurt for it.

I stumbled a little bit on the way, but decided to cover it up by singing the high school girls song, I actually really hate this song but it has gotten me out of sticky situations before.

Tohru's POV

I watched as Shigure stumbled a bit on his way to his study and tried to mask his slip up by singing, it was obvious to me that he wasn't planning to eat the food I left out for him because I had been finding the meals I had saved for him in the bin when I took the trash out and he also hadn't been coming to eat his meals at the table saying that a deadline was coming up. I really was beginning to worry, his kimono looked very big now on his frame and his face was becoming hollower and paler each day; I have seen on more than one occasion his kimono nearly slipping off his lithe frame and I think I see scars, red angry lines that mar his pale skin. It really makes me worry if I'm either thinking into this too much or if I am right and that Shigure is slowly slipping into depression and none of us have noticed?

I asked Kyo and Yuki about it and they said I was probably just imagining it that I was worrying too much, but this time I feel as though there is something really wrong and we are all to blind to see that he is hurting and it hurts me more than anything else how we all sit back and ignore it………………..

Hatori's POV

After doing the annual check up with Akito I decided to go visit Shigure, I know I haven't visited him in a long time but……I didn't have any other patients today except Akito so I suppose I could visit him.

'You're not planning on seeing that mutt today are you?' Akito asked, this sentence knocked me out of my trial of thought 'Yes I was' I answered back truthfully 'I haven't seen him in a while and I need to do a check up on everyone in that household.

'Your probably right' drawled Akito 'Dogs always need someone to look after them don't they? It's like taking away they're favourite chew toy, they beg and beg at you until you give it back and they get angry at you if you don't. They never repay you for it either' I looked at Akito I had to sadly say that he was right what had Shigure ever done for anyone in the sohma family he only done things for himself and nobody else…..he really was a filthy mongrel.

'Yes but Akito I still have to check up on the other members of the zodiac in his house as well you know….' Muttered Hatori 'Yes I know but if anything is wrong with our dear Shigure will you please bring him back to the main house; I'm beginning to feel a little bored and I do need a plaything.' Akito said as he looked at me as though he were daring me not to bring back Shigure……wait did that mean there was something wrong with Shigure or was I supposed to make something up so he could stay here at the main house so that Akito could torture him……

…..I suppose I would I still remember what happened last time I disobeyed his orders.

I stood up and with a short bow I left the room deep in thought.

Akito's POV

They were all so gullible….I could nearly laugh but I was excited to see if he brought Shigure back or not….I would be interesting if he did because then that would mean I was right with something being wrong with him and I could always use it against him.

Sometimes I really loved being head of the family…..

Shigure's POV

It was nearing one o'clock in the day and since the other members of the household were at school Shigure took this as another chance to cut; but first he had to throw out that food Tohru had left for him in the kitchen.

I looked in the fridge, seeing as it would be the most likely place that she would put it and saw the little package, I picked it up and threw it in the bin; it's not that I don't like Tohru's cooking, she really is a good cook….it's just I haven't been feeling too hungry as of late. I decided to get some coffee to drink, and I could have my favourite type of coffee, black coffee….when everyone else was here I'd would have to take tea but when they weren't here…..well lets just say it was one off the guilty little pleasures I gave myself.

After finishing up in the kitchen I went to the bathroom and got out my blades and some fresh bandages. After checking last nights fresh cut and giving it a clean dressing I just realised that my hands had been shaking ever since Tohru said to me that morning that I hadn't been eating a lot recently, I hope she doesn't notice because I know that somehow she will find a way to beat herself up over this.

I slip off my kimono and stare at myself in the full length mirror in the bathroom, angry red lines cris crossed over one another; some where a few months old, others were nearly a year old but most of them had been very recent. My ribs were visible, each bone jutting out like it was not supposed to and on my back I could feel every bone in my spine and they also jutted out at wrong angles, some people eat more when they feel depressed but I actually eat less.

I don't know why but the urge to cut over every little thing came up for him more often and he hated the feeling. When he needed to cut he would start off to find that he had an itch underneath his skin, one of those itches that only a blade can scratch, if I don't get to cut then I get this queasy feeling and begin to feel nauseous, next I begin to feel cold and begin to shake and have never went past that because the pain was too much to bare.

I began to run the blade down my arm, it was one of my razor blades I ended up taking a razor apart so I could just get the single blades, they cut so much better than a knife, I just leaned hard enough to leave a thin red line after the blade but not strong enough to cut it. Then I pressed down harder whilst moving the blade up and down my arm, it opened the skin, my flesh parting like the red sea, ironic that that sea was not red and the one is but that sea is dead. That's why they call it the Dead Sea; I guess it does make sense; anything that sees that its different makes them want to taste it and ends up being killed by it.

It was a lot like when I cut except instead of dying from tasting it, I found a strange solace in it and the addiction soon became obsession and even though my obsession will eventually turn to death I didn't really care, why? I didn't care because I knew nobody else would that's why, even though my obsession was making me cut deeper each time, I didn't feel it because the emotional pain inside him was so much stronger than the physical pain he felt on the outside. I was so wrapped up in my emotional pain that I didn't even here the doorbell ring and the door being knocked, all I felt was the gentle kiss of death on my arm, that feeling assured me that it wouldn't be long now until I could finally mean death and when I did I would accept it with open arms……….

As if waking out a deep slumber Shigure heard the door ringing and someone pounding on the door; he suddenly realised he wouldn't have time clean up so he quickly hid his blades, wiped up the blood that had fell onto the floor and through on his kimono. He was suddenly thanking the gods that he chose to wear a black kimono today, because whoever was at the door would not be able to see his blood on the kimono.

As I walked to the door I was straightening out my hair and putting up my façade again……as I got to the door I saw the last person I wanted to see…...Hatori. Just great, just fucking great I thought Hatori had to come the day when I hadn't bandaged up my arm; the only reason he every came here was because he wanted to give us a check-up. I have to admit to myself I had been purposely going out the days he was coming over for a check-up because I knew that he would see the scars; I'd been doing it for a year now he usually came once every two weeks for a check-up but he wasn't here last week and I wasn't expecting him to come till next week.

'Hatori! How long has it been since I last saw you my dear friend!' I shouted joyfully; I did sometimes go during weekdays to visit Hatori, although I always made sure he wasn't in his office so he couldn't give me a check-up. Though I must say it's nearly been a month since I last saw him.

'Shigure it's been a while, can I come in sorry I had to come here today for a check-up but I couldn't come during the weekend so I came today and anyway you haven't been checked up for over a year.' Said Hatori happily 'Yeah sure come on in….' I said as I scratched behind my neck…..how the hell was I supposed to get out of this?

I watched as Hatori went and sat down on the near the table in the living room so not knowing what to do I asked him a question 'Tori-san do you want some tea?' 'Yes' he replied 'and could you bring some sake in?' he asked So I went into the kitchen and got the things whilst thinking to my self I wonder how much sake it will take to make him drunk? Of course I didn't dwell on the thought too long as I brought put the sake and some green tea.

I gave Hatori his cup of tea and held onto mine as I set down the sake on the table. As soon as I set it down though he grabbed it saying we must make a toast because I haven't had a check-up in a long time, three guesses why and the first two don't count.

Hatori picked up the bottle of sake and poured generous amounts in each cup and handed me my cup back and we made the toast; but while I was drinking the tea that was laced with sake I suddenly felt sick, I didn't understand why though, I used to have a very strong metabolism to alcoholic drinks but I guess I hadn't had any since a year ago…that might be the reason I thought.

When I took another drink for my glass I began to feel light headed and I could feel a headache coming on, I was about to say that I didn't feel too well to Hatori as I beginning to stand up; all I remember is clutching my head and then darkness caressing my mind as I was swept into an unconscious state.

Hatori's POV

I had a bad feeling ever since I entered the house, ever since Shigure opened the door for the matter, usually he's really quick to open the door, but I just guessed he was in the bathroom.

When Shigure had opened the door he looked pale and very frail, as though a gentle zephyr would knock him over. I knew back then that I immediately took back everything I said to Akito he wasn't well but I knew I would still have to bring him. He was quite clumsy today as well today; his usual natural grace was missing and his movements were sluggish.

While he was getting the drinks it had struck me I hadn't given him a check-up in over a year……that's why I said for him to bring in the sake. After putting the sake in our drinks and making the toast, when Shigure took a drink he looked as though he was going to throw up and then when he took another sip of the drink he began to stand up and mutter something but I didn't have time to catch it, because all of a sudden Shigure clutched his head and collapsed. I knew immediately the alcohol had something to do with his fainting but he usually had quite a strong metabolism…so it did confuse me a bit.

As I got up to see what was wrong or if Shigure was doing this to get out of his check-up, yes he has done this before, I walked over to him and nudged him slightly on the shoulder, when he didn't wake up I was worried it was the first time ever I had since Shigure faint, so of course I was worried so I quickly flipped him over to the recovery position to make sure he could throw up if need be and realised something…..Shigure was very light to push into the recovery position or either I was getting stronger which I highly doubt so I went for the former and this really got me worrying; but the thing that scared me most was when I lifted my hand away from his arm……my hand was covered in a thick red substance…it was also on the floor where Shigure previously lay; I think I shocked myself slightly when I realised this was Shigure's blood……on my hand, on the floor and can I say there was a lot of blood……he obviously didn't cut it on the way down so……I held my breath as I began to lift up the sleeve of Shigure's kimono and nearly threw up at what I saw…..

A/N: Ohhh don't ya just love cliffies? LOL! Now all I have to do is start on the next chapter remember feedback + me more updates! I can handle critisim but if you flame me you have been warned of this content remember and if it is a flame on my writing skills I shall take your flames to cook my marshmallows with.


	2. Snakes and Ladders

**C H E C K M A TE**

_by T.a.i.n.e.Dreamz_

_A/N: I have one thing to say, SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! Also REVIEWS BOOST MY EGO!_

Replies to reviers

Killtiti: YesI agree it probably does sound wierd to have Shigure so depressed but depression always works better when you use the happy-go lucky people in a tv series or game, it lets you experiment, cause if you use someone who usually is depressed you don't really get a kick out of writing it, also YOU ARE MY FIRST REVIEWER! glomps and Shigure plushies you!

Fire-Breathing-Ferret: Heh Shigure and angst they work together really well, to bad there aren't too many ansty Shigure fics LOL!

The -unwanted- grey speckle: heh I REALLY love your name and no I shall not tell you the connection of the fic and the title just yet but keep reading between the lines and it should be obvious...I think.

**!Warning!**

**This fic contains graphic scences (or what I think is graphic) of Self Harm and a mildhints of anorexia in it. I also will have shouen-ai (BoyxBoy relationships), there will be NO yaoi in this ficthough.If you cannot handle these please stop reading and return to the fanfiction homepage. If you continue on and do read the fic and do not like th scenes in it you have been warned. If you do report me for this I will say that it has been clearly said here what content is in this fic and I will report you to the staff for harrasment.**

I never thought I'd see the day when one of the Sohma family members would actually mutilate themselves like this……even more I didn't think it would be Shigure who well it was scary to say the least.

I didn't expect to see the cuts on his arm when I lifted up the kimono sleeve……they were littered across his arms, some of them were only beginning to turn white which meant they were very deep cuts. Some of them were only short skin deep scratches whilst others were the full length of his arm.

Then I saw the main point of the problem, though it really wasn't that hard to miss the whole arm was covered in the red sticky substance, it was amazing that the blood didn't drip…….

I decided to take a look behind me and then I noticed little spheres of garnet glittering on the floor…… how I had not noticed this before! I'm supposed to be a doctor but it seems that I can miss things sometimes.

Although I must admit the reason why Shigure probably fainted was because of the blood loss and the alcohol in his system…I would have to take him back to the main house now so that I could give his the proper treatment but then Akito could get to him and I don't think that would be a very good idea.

My inner musings were interrupted when I felt Shigure's temperature rise suddenly as he began to shiver violently. Oh no I had forgotten about Shigure there for a moment……now how was I going to take him out of the house without the other occupants noticing?

Then it struck me……I'll leave them a note saying Shigure needs to stay over at the main house for a few days to sort out some important business. I quickly scribbled down the note on a piece of paper with a pen that was coincidently nearby. After that I quickly wiped up the blood stains with some kitchen roll and went out to the car to get some bandages, I didn't want Shigure to lose any more blood he had lost a lot of it as it already was. I didn't bother to clean the wound as I knew I should of……but the main house was only 15 minutes away so I would be able to treat it better there than wasting time here and anyway I would have to do a full body check-up when we got there.

I quickly rushed up to Shigure's room and was about to open the door when I realised that I had never been in Shigure's room before……It was odd to say the least. When I opened the door I fond that it was very tidy, too tidy; it was so clean that it looked as though no one had been in it for weeks and the layers of dust every where proved that; Tohru probably made them tidy up they're own rooms I guess.

The only thing I saw that was frequently used was the chest of drawers, well that was only logical because he had to get clean clothes didn't he? These thoughts sent him reeling back in to a conversation he had with Tohru last time he was here.

Flashback

'Hey Hatori' said Tohru 'Do you know what's wrong with Shigure? He hasn't been coming to eat at mealtimes and he shuts himself away in his study all the time, he even sleeps in there most of the time!' 'Hatori looked at Tohru and tried to stop himself from laughing, Tohru really was a caring person……She was just overreacting probably. Shigure knew how to take care of himself 'Tohru don't worry he knows what he's doing……he probably has a big deadline coming up and because he was too lazy he probably is only starting to do the required work now.' I reassured her, it wasn't like he hadn't done it before. 'Yeah that's what he said as well but I'm not too sure…' 'He's a big boy let him look after himself' I said cutting her off.

Hatori POV

I quickly grabbed some of his clean kimonos; he didn't seem to have a lot of clothes as it was so I just decided to stuff every thing in a bag. After that I had to go to his study to get some work for him to do so that they would really believe that he was doing work in the main house.

I walked to his study and upon reaching it I tried to open it, only to discover that it was locked. He must be really cautious that no-one goes into his study I thought, or maybe he's just paranoid……I'd go for the latter.

I went back to Shigure's limp form and checked if he had any keys on him, the check proved quite successful they were on a chain around his neck. After ripping them off I went back to the study and tried the key on the door, it opened thankfully. When I entered the room it was quite a mess; pages strewn haphazardly across the floor and office equipment lying every where……there was drool on the papers on the desk for gods sake! I decided I would just take everything he might be at the main house for quite a while. I gathered up all the papers on the floor first and put them into a neat pile, Shigure could sort them out later, then I decided that I better get his stuff out of his desk. All the drawers were locked there too……was he trying to hide something?

In the first drawer I opened there was a whole collection of art equipment such as oil paints, brushes, pencils proper art paper……it was very confusing I didn't know that Shigure liked to draw. Next I opened out the two remaining drawers, in one of the drawers was some very exceptional artwork all drawn, painted and signed by Shigure…some of the pictures in that drawer very beautiful. I am not an admirer of artwork but I do know when someone has put a lot of effort into something. In the other drawer were things that were not so pleasant; things like pictures of people dying and other disturbing images. It was a big difference compared to the other drawer……a very big difference but the level of expertise was still very good in these pictures if not better.

It was at the bottom of these pictures I found an old notebook; I took a look at it and flicked it open to a random page. The way every thing was written was like a journal. I decided to keep it to read but give Shigure every thing else.

After totally cleaning up Shigure's office, I put all his belongings in my car and went back in to get Shigure. I glanced at the clock whilst I was in the house, it was just after half one……had it only been half an hour ago that I had came to this house? It seems like so much more had happened it was a total new feeling for me I am used to time flying by, but I must say that when someone faints in front of your eyes and that you find out something was badly wrong with them, then I guess time goes by really slowly.

I thought about waking up Shigure to get him out to the car but then I decided against it because I know he won't go; I also don't wake him up because of the dark rings below his sunken in eyes, he needed to sleep and if I am correct he probably doesn't weigh much as it is.

After gently lifting the lithe frame and nearly dropping him over how light he was and how I could feel every bone in his body; I tool him to the car and set him down in the back seat. I started up the engine and backed away doing a 3 point turn to be driving the right way to get to the main house.

After bringing him to the main house I took his stuff and placed it in a room that Akito has previously prepared for him. The room had windows in it with bars over them, they were the first thing you saw in the small box room; although this room had no electricity in it Akito had it redone for Shigure coming over which was quite strange to say the least.

First of all to describe the room, the aforementioned windows were about one foot in length and were situated on the wall facing you as soon as you entered the room. They were the entire length of the wall and were situated at the very top of the wall, so Shigure couldn't reach them-they had no glass in them, also they had bars over them, so Shigure couldn't try to escape. The door to enter the room could only be locked from the outside and only Akito and I had keys to open the lock.

The walls were painted in pale lavender and a western style bed was on the right hand side of the room, it had sapphire coloured bed sheets on it; why Akito wanted Shigure to have a western style bed was beyond me, but I heard the were more comfy than sleeping on the floor, that's why hospital beds here are western style here too, it's also easier to treat the patient on a higher up surface I guess……. also the room was carpeted in a greyish blue colour. This carpet was most expensive and also the most softest in the entire main house……I still am puzzled why he would spend so much money on Shigure but who am I to question what he does.

At the bottom of the bed there was a chest to put clothes in and on the other side of the room there was a desk so Shigure could still do his work. I put his paperwork down on the desk and quite purposely threw his clothes in the chest, I still had Shigure to treat remember.

I went out to the car and gently lifted Shigure from the backseat sighing when I realised I forgot to put down something to stop the blood staining my car seat covers. Oh well shit happens doesn't it?

I take Shigure into my office and set him down as I take out the necessary equipment to clean the wound. Then I gentle took off his kimono to check if there was any more damage, if I thought the worst of the damage was on his arms then I was greatly mistaken. The angry red lines criss crossed everywhere over his body, although some of the deepest ones were on the insides of his thighs. Then I noticed the bandage on his other arm and took it off to have a look at the cut, it was very deep as well and looked as though it had only been cleaned out recently, I cleaned the wound again and put on another bandage as I continued my check-up. Last time I gave Shigure a check-up he was a stone underweight (lets just say the average weight for someone his size and age is about 10 stone, I don't know the actual weight so please if you know tell me. So do the math he was 9 stone last time Hatori checked Shigure) this time Hatori was not so sure, no he was definitely under 9 stone this time; and because the bones in your body made up one third of you weight……well I guessed that Shigure was somewhere between four and a half stone and seven stone.

Shigure was severely underweight and this really did worry me, because I could feel and see every bone in his body. They jutted out at unnatural angles that I knew wasn't healthy. He also seemed to have a fever……I took his temperature and found that it was 38 degrees Celsius one Degree above normal body temperature well I could take care of that when I took him to his room.

It was around this point I decided it would be better if he woke up in his new room and that I better put a different kimono on him, what would he think if he woke up half naked? Also I had to find some way to wash the blood off his favourite kimono; I knew it was his favourite because I knew for a fact he wore it all the time at home. Tohru told me one time when I was giving her a check-up if I could ask him to take it off so she could wash it.

I soaked the kimono in warm water and added a little bit of detergent and decided to leave it there so that it would get off the dried in bloodstains. I then picked up the now near totally naked Shigure up and took him to the bedroom. I set him down on the bed and grabbed out a royal blue kimono a slipped it on him; after that I slipped the covers up over him and got a bowl of cold water and a face cloth, which I dipped into the water and placed on his forehead. He was still unconscious and seeing as he would not know why he was here when he woke up I decided to stay until he did to tell him, I also had a few questions of my own for him to answer myself.

With this in mind I went over to his desk and pulled out his chair to sit on as I waited for him to wake up.

Shigure's POV

Don't you just love the first few moments when you first wake up? You don't have any responsibilities or any pain in the world to hold you down, it's a euphoric feeling……pity that that feeling doesn't last that long, how I love when my mind is in the middle of conscious and unconscious it's pure bliss…… and for an insomniac like me it is Utopia. No-one has never known about my insomnia, not even Hatori……that's maybe why I cut……I usually faint shortly afterwards if I cut too deep but believe me sleep is welcomed with open arms in my world.

It was about at this point I realised where I was before I fainted and who I was with……I new for some reason I wasn't at my house anymore and it was then I think that realisation struck me……Hatori now probably knew about my scars now and strangely enough I didn't feel ashamed or embarrassed……I just felt……angry, angry at the world for not noticing my pain, no-one ever came to me when I felt fucked up and alone, no one ever decided to strip off my mask. The next person I would see would be the victim of my wrath.

I was beginning to sit up in the bed I was on when a voice startled me 'So you're finally awake……' I recognised the voice to be Hatori's, he continued on 'You were starting to worry me there…' 'What the fuck is up fishy! Is Akito boring you so much that you have to come pester me!' I snapped at Hatori; I then had a quick glance around the room to find that I was right about not being at my house anymore, I could tell that straight away by the western bed, I also found out by doing this that I had a splitting headache. 'And another thing, where the fuck am I!' yeah so I'll admit it I was pretty pissed off right now and I definitely knew he knew about the scars when I realised I was wearing different kimono and that my arms were bandaged up.

'Now calm down' said hatori 'If I tell you were you are will you calm down and answer some of my questions' I knew what he was going to ask and I had a bad feeling in the bottom of my stomach that we were in the main house. I decided to speak again this time with a little more composure 'I know where I fucking am but I do want to know why I'm here, but I am not going to answer your questions fishy.'

Hatori POV

I knew that he would be angry when he woke up but I wasn't expecting him to be this angry, maybe he's just not a morning person? I knew he was definitely very pissed off at me when he called me fishy; but I guess it's his canine instincts that told him the scent of this place was the main house or maybe it was just a lucky guess? I really wanted to know why he had scars up his arms and considering how stubborn Shigure can be I might be here a while.

'well if your going to be that way……I might as well get you something to eat shigure' yes I was going to play the calm, poker faced doctor I knew I shigure didn't like needles so I could always threaten him by giving him some, when I was out of the room for food I could always get a few needles. 'I'm not hungry' he repied stiffly just like I knew he would shigure always has been and is destined to be predictable because at the thought of food his starved body let out a large grumble from his stomach.

Even though I predicted this would happen I still was very worried, I let my face soften and asked him gently if he would like miso soup or a rice ball. 'Tori-kun I told you I'm not hungry……' he replied but this time his voice was slightly broken and it pained me to hear him so down.

Shigure POV

I hate sounding weak and I knew I was showing weakness from just listening to my voice……I knew that just a second ago I was angry but now I just felt down, upset and most of all I felt alone and that no one would help me. I brought my knees up to my chest and put my head on top of them……I don't know why but I felt safer this way…I heard Hatori get up and go to the door, I wanted to say 'don't go' to him so badly but I knew for some reason he would be coming back.

Dammit I hated being so weak, as soon as I heard the door softly click shut I began to feel tears forming in the corners of my eyes……no I would not cry, big boy's don't cry do they? I don't think so……I began to sniff a little as I felt the first tear roll down my cheek and hear it make the soft plopping sound as it hit the covers on the bed……my bed. I had a bad feeling that it was my paperwork on the desk over there and that I would be staying there for a long time.

I knew I couldn't hold back the inevitable any longer, so I let down all my barriers and for the first time in my life I let myself truly cry; no longer did I care if someone saw me like this. No longer did I care about life, I had give it too many chances for it to prove to me that it was worth living only to have every chance throw back in my face and laughed at.

So I let every tear come, I cried for every time I was hurt, every time I was betrayed, every time I was laughed at, every time I was rejected and I cried for the people who had to put up with me every single day…….if I couldn't handle my self then how did others fare? I curled up tighter in my fatal position and hugged my knees to my chest tighter. I let broken sobs slip past my throat; I let my body shake from all the pain it's ever received in life and I let my heart finally shatter from not ever finding a real purpose for it all it ever did was ache from pain others inflicted on it and as every tear fell from my glassy eyes and hit the blanket, slowly making it feel wet……I realised something when they always said that I was like a ripple on the water the closer you tried to get to it the further it went away and how Hatori never agreed to it saying that I was like a jellyfish on water instead of a ripple; I realised that I really was like a jelly fish……I had no spine, I could never stand up to others and I don't think I ever will. So I cried and let every glimmering sphere of salty water hit the bed sheets like a jellyfish would drip sea water if I was removed from the sea. I was taken from house and put somewhere I didn't want to be and all I could do is cry………

A/N one more note before I leave this fic might be a quite a well before I update again, I am in the changing fandoms period at the moment and am currnently working on a ff7 fic, BUT if I some good reviews I could overlook it for a while LOL!


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